All My Little Words

I’m showing up today with a much better attitude. It’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of those seductive negative thoughts! I need a moment-to-moment reminder that ‘this too shall pass’.

Today is Tuesday. It’s gloomy, rainy and thunderstorms are predicted and I can’t wait! Fall is coming and with it comes massive changes in my personal life. I’m embarking on a new career, continually tackling my eating disorder and sobriety, and planning a low-key slide into my favorite time of year.

Last autumn was difficult. Work was reminiscent of those RomCom movies where the guy and the girl stay late and order Chinese food and fall in love amidst towers of papers and malfunctioning copy machines. Although, my version didn’t involve  Chinese food and I fell back in love with anorexia, instead. Last autumn I started therapy. Last autumn I worked tirelessly to create a Halloween costume that I never wore because I was too exhausted and unhappy.

It is impossible for this autumn to be anything like last year. Work will now involve a drastically shorter commute and drastically different environment. Food will feature more prominently this autumn, and that Halloween costume will become one of at least three that I plan on wearing. Therapy is the only constant, albeit not static, part of my upcoming fall season.

I’ve a horrible habit of getting lost in the planning of things and I’m attempting to combat that this autumn. I love the process and the anticipation of planning. I strive to always have something to look forward to and work toward. Life, however, is about balance. If I’m too busy looking forward to and planning my ‘perfect Thanksgiving’ or my ‘perfect Halloween costume’ I run the risk of missing all of the perfect little moments that make up each day.  In a blink, the quiet morning walk with my little dog will be gone. Evening jaunts to the park for Frisbee are fleeting. Settling into my impossibly uncomfortable couch with the man I love on a Friday night, the weekend lying in wait, while the glow of the TV illuminates my living room and the familiar Paramount stars stream across the screen – with a snap of the fingers that moment is gone. All those little things that make up an entire day, week, month, year…..all those little things are what make up a lifetime.  All those little things are what matter most.

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