It’s July now, almost August, actually. Where has the time gone?
Personally, about 20% has been job-hunting, music-making and running. Lots of running. This brings me to the other 80% of my time, which has been spent on my eating disorder.
I’m exhausted. I’m confused. I don’t understand how I’ve gotten to this point where food is terrifying, my body doesn’t feel like my own and every decision I make needs to be run by my eating disorder first.
I finally went to the doctor….on Wednesday. My therapist had been urging me to go since March, but alas. My lab results aren’t back yet, so I’ve no clue if my insides look as shitty as they feel, but I guess we’ll find out!
I am usually positive, optimistic, looking for the silver-lining and all that Pollyanna stuff. Today I feel tired. I want a vacation from myself, from anorexia, from everything.