Shrink the Picture Down to a Tiny Dot

Here I am, still plugging along!

We are creeping further into Fall and I love it. The air is brisk, I wore mittens today and pretty soon I’ll be pulling out my winter coat. I am looking forward to a week home for Christmas and all of the lounging around it will entail.

Today is Day 203. I am incredibly grateful to be at this point as we head into the Holiday Season – Thanksgiving in particular. Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. As an adult, Thanksgiving became the perfect excuse to drink from sunup to sundown with little to no stigma attached. For me, it was never about eating – only about drinking. I’d be up early to cook, and everyone knows that you have to cook with a glass (read: bottle) of wine! Guests would arrive with more booze and start drinking, watching television or playing charades – all things that involve alcohol, right? After the meal comes Spanish coffee or bourbon as you fall asleep watching Planes, Trains & Automobiles. It’s the best day ever and in no small part thanks to alcohol.

This year I am thankful for the 203 sober days I’ve stockpiled. This year, I will be up early to make cinnamon rolls and drink coffee and walk the dog. I’ll get our movies lined up, and the board games set out and make sure we have plenty of wine and bourbon for our friends and family. I’ll remember the non-drinkers this year, and will have apple cider simmering in the crock pot.

I envision this picture-perfect, Martha Stewart-style Thanksgiving and I am filled with anxiety. What happens when everyone starts to drink? How do I balance eating a Thanksgiving meal with sobriety? I am so used to drinking my dinner. What happens when someone pours me wine without realizing it? How on Earth do I play charades SOBER?!

I like to plan things. I enjoy routine and predictability and even more so in these situations that formerly involved copious amounts of alcohol. I love my First Sober Thanksgiving plan, but I’m not sure how it’ll actually play out and that fills me with dread. Maybe not DREAD, but definitely apprehension! I keep reminding myself that I made it through my first sober 4th of July and most recently, my first sober Halloween. Thanksgiving is a big one, but it’s a pleasant reminder that the holiday is not about booze. It’s not about food. It’s not about movies and board games and charades. It’s about acceptance, and love and family and friends. I think I’ll choose to focus on that.

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