Here we are: September already! This will sound cliche, but sobriety is starting to feel like a warm blanket. Autumn is my favorite season and it’s been bittersweet to reminisce about the comforts of fall’s past; hot toddy’s, Spanish coffee and spiked hot cocoa. While it’s been bittersweet to reminisce, it’s also been remarkably satisfying to find replacements. Today is Day 141 and I don’t feel like drinking, but I still feel that pang of nostalgia. I’m filling it with Good Earth Sweet & Spicy Black Tea, Yogi Caramel Apple Spice Rooibos and The Best Hot Chocolate Ever. I’m feeling warm and satisfied just thinking about it!
My husband said an interesting thing the other day. Every so often I lose track of my sober day and then get excited to check – knowing that it is getting closer to 180, my next milestone. My husband looked at me and said, “My guess is 135, but it doesn’t really matter. You’re never going to drink again anyway!”
Aside from the fact that, yes, it really does matter and I like counting the days, I was mostly stunned that he knows I won’t be drinking again. He really has heard me every time I’ve said things like:
I’m not sure I’ll ever want to drink again.
I think this might be a forever thing.
I kind of love not drinking, maybe I’ll stick with it.
Testing the waters – that’s what those comments have been about. I was afraid people would shake their heads at the idea of my never drinking again, so I’ve been “keeping it cool”. In reality, no one gives a crap if I’m not drinking. Regardless, as my sober days climb higher and higher, it’s harder and harder to care about what other people think. It’s refreshing!
This is my first sober autumn and I am feeling much like it’s my first day of school; nervous and excited. Will I be able to navigate this? Will people like me? Will I be invited to holiday parties? Will Halloween still be my favorite holiday? I’m confident that everything will be just fine, and I’m certain that Halloween will remain my favorite holiday!