I wrote the following e-mail to Belle yesterday and wanted to share it here because it encapsulates everything I am feeling at the moment!
I had a busy weekend full of events I would normally drink at. It was still fun – more so, actually! As we were driving home after all of the festivities, I had the best thought.
I am fully experiencing life.
It was recognition that I was actively participating in my own life. I was fully aware of creating memories and so appreciative of my sobriety. Life felt complete. It felt positive. The possibilities felt endless!
The best part? It feels like that today, too.
Those feelings weren’t the end result of a full day of drinking. They weren’t preceded by sloppy hugs and drunken shouts of “I love you! Best Friends Forever!”
When I quit drinking, I thought I’d miss those moments. The hugs, the cheering, the unabashed affection. It turns out they still exist. The hugs, the cheering, the unabashed affection are a result of my friendships and experiences, not alcohol. Those moments still exist, and they are even better without the alcohol.
I’m getting close to 100 days and feeling less nervous about the next 100. Life is pretty darn great right now!
I’m feeling as positive today as I did yesterday and I am grateful! I’m not sure what has shifted, but my general unease about the future and how sobriety is going to look down the road is dissipating. With that said, hello Day 90!