Brain Pain (and Gain)

Today is Day 23 and last night was rough.

Things took a sharp turn toward Crap-ville at work yesterday, and I got home feeling absolutely drained. We had plans to go to a friends house for a BBQ. It was supposed to be low key – me and my husband and this couple.

Fast forward to a BBQ littered with other people, lasting well into the night with beer flowing like water from the Kegerator in the garage. Everyone was happy, conversations were great and I knew and liked every single person there. Unfortunately, I could not get it together. I appeared calm and composed because that is my forte, but my insides were a net full of raging bats. I wasn’t noticing how much other people were drinking, but how much their behavior was visibly changing. I heard one story from one person five times. People got louder and vied for the spotlight. I felt like I was simultaneously shrinking and spinning at warp speed.

I’d had roughly 10 glasses of iced tea and was the definition of caffeinated, which helped nothing. I was weary by the time we got home and all I wanted to do was sleep. That did not happen. My fully wired brain either wanted me awake, or in some sort of suspended nightmare. Every time I drifted off, I was shocked awake by AWFUL dreams. I woke up well before my alarm and called it quits. I am so relieved that today is Friday, I can’t even muster up my usual weekend anxiety!

In one hour I will head out to meet my wonderful friend who has been on vacation for weeks! I can’t wait to see her, and after last night’s fiasco I am not too worried about being at our usual watering hole. I feel stronger every day, and each random (and often arduous) event leaves me with a renewed strength. I can do this. Day 24, I’ll see you tomorrow.

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