Adieu

Yesterday evening was rough. Everything felt wrong. I was angry, irritated, sad and irrational. I inadvertently strolled down the beer aisle at the grocery store and practically sprinted to the safety of the dairy section upon realizing where I was. I spent too much money on greeting cards for my family and then cried about it because I feel like my budget is all out of whack. I cried about spending too much money on greeting cards. WHO AM I?

Today is Day 7 and after tears and an early night I am feeling much better. My emotions are still high and all over the place, but I’m attributing it to the fact that my brain is being forced to get to know me again.

We’re replacing our copy machine at work. The copy man came into the office  and as he wheeled out the old machine my eyes welled up with tears. Again, I beg of you, WHO AM I?!?!? It is an inanimate object. I made the mistake of asking the guy where the copy machine was going to end up and he said, “We’re junking it. Copy machine graveyard.” I’ve seen The Brave Little Toaster too many times, I guess. I’ve been off of work for an hour and a half and I’m still thinking about that copy machine.

I feel so NEW. I honestly can’t remember the last time I went 7 days without alcohol. This time last week, last WEEK, I was 2 martinis in to what would become an 8 drink evening and a pack of cigarettes. A pack of cigarettes that are floating around the bottom of my purse because I don’t actually smoke.

I’m enjoying waking up sober, but I’m not a huge fan of being alone after work. Empty house. The dog is with my husband. I want to go to the store and buy a bottle of wine and start in while I cook dinner. Instead, I’m writing this, cracking open a grapefruit flavored soda water and finding an outfit to wear to work tomorrow.

Carry on.

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